Clarification

Hmmm, another day another stress. At times, I dont know how should I deal with this. Is this my problems or hers. Why she keep doing this. How d I response. Where should I put the line. I just dont know. If not because of my 2 boys, I d probably let her go already. Why keeping someone who can't appreciate you. Hey, let her go and just build a new life. People have done that. May be that is thr better way for me and her. But before letting her go, a few things must be settled. I am not sure whether I should get advice from a lawyer. Some one (if) has to go, then he/she should go entirely. Dont want to see her face. Dont want to listen to her voice. She has just to butt out.

Ok, a few questions I would ask her-

Can you explain 2 long calls?

Why the call made when I was not at home?

Why it should be 45 and over 60 min long?

Should tell her my feeling-

Sad

Humiliated

Frustrated

Do you know that I d be mad? So why still doing that?

Worry because can see that you response is superficial

What next steps?

How to ensure I will not get mad if I notice these instances again m

Would telling me be ok?

Maybe instead of me start talking, let just ask her to start. She can start wherever she likes. Then, I will talk when it comes to my turn. I dont want to me nyampuk.

sms ni buat aku confius

hello kawan2,

semalam nape tiba2 gatal nak cek sms bini aku ... and bila cek, mmg sah , ada sms yg bunyi pelik ... ni aku tulis balik exactly

sms ni di hantar rasanya jam 931 pagi, 13/12 ...... just sampai kat U, mmg mcm tak nak aku tau jer .. hahahahahah

'Hi, Gd morning. Miss me? Hahaha. Hw was ur weekend? I hv emailed u d images. Nanti free, tlg rvw ya. Waiting from utm to email me d sample of images recons using mimics. kalau dah dpt, i forward 2u. Thks'

aku tak pasti ni sms dia tanya si dyno tu samada si dyno tu miss dia ke atau dia confius yg dyno htr sms kat dia ckp rindu .. hmm .. aku pun tak tahu.

but, it seems ok lagi. kite tengok dulu, lama mana dia nak menggatal. and whether ini main2 atau betul2 ... aku tak boleh gopoh ... kena sabar. aku tak nak jadi org bias ... aku mesti kumpul evidences.

kalau dia main2 shj and dalam 1-2 bulan dah balik ke normal, ok ..... kite cuba sabarlah ..... kan? tapi kalau dia nak nak lebey2 ... then aku kene jaga aku punya maruah ... jgn jadik dayus ... org dayus tak masuk surga ...

hmmmm ... until next time

ntah le .. nape dia gatal hantar email kat si dyno tu?

NI BINI AKU PUNYA EMAIL KAT DYNO TU ... kalau hang ni orang, cuba hang pikir, patut ke hantar email mcm ni and claim email ni email jenis professional bukan email nak menggatal?

==============


something to share
mmmm.....which one is you?



Kalau lelaki handsome pendiam
Perempuan akan cakap:: woow, cool giler...
kalau lelaki tak handsome pendiam
Perempuan akan cakap: eh perasan bagus...

kalau lelaki handsome berbuat jahat
Perempuan akan kata: nobody's perfect

kalau lelaki tak handsome berbuat jahat
perempuan akan cakap: memang.... muka pun macam pecah rumah!

kalau lelaki handsome menolong perempuan yg diganggu
perempuan akan cakap: wah.. machonya.. macam hero filem!
kalau lelaki tak handsome menolong perempuan yang diganggu
Perempuan akan kata: entah2 kawan dia...

kalau lelaki handsome dapat perempuan cantik
perempuan akan kata: sepadan sangat...
kalau lelaki tak handsome dapat perempuan cantik
perempuan akan kata: mesti kena bomoh perempuan tuh!

kalau lelaki handsome ditinggal kekasih
perempuan akan kata: jangan sedih, kan saya ada..
kalau lelaki tak handsome ditinggal kekasih
perempuan akan kata:...(terdiam, tapi telunjuknya
meliuk-liuk dari atas ke bawah, patutlah, tengok saja luarannya)...

kalau lelaki handsome penyayang binatang
perempuan akan cakap: perasaannya halus...penuh kasih sayang
kalau lelaki tak handsome penyayang binatang
perempuan akan cakap: sesama keluarga memang harus menyayangi...

kalau lelaki handsome bawa BMW
perempuan akan cakap: matching... hebat luar dalam
kalau lelaki tak handsome bawa BMW
perempuan akan cakap: bang, bosnya mana?...

kalau lelaki handsome tak mau bergambar
perempuan akan cakap: pasti takut kalau2 gambarnya tersebar
kalau lelaki tak handsome tak mau bergambar
perempuan akan kata: tak sanggup melihat hasilnya ya?...

kalau lelaki handsome menuang air ke gelas perempuan
perempuan akan cakap:ini barulah lelaki gentlemen
kalau lelaki tak handsome menuang air ke gelas perempuan
perempuan akan cakap: naluri pembantu, memang begitu....

kalau lelaki handsome bersedih hati
perempuan akan cakap: let me be your shoulder to cry on
kalau lelaki tak handsome bersedih hati
perempuan akan kata: kuat nangis!! lelaki ke bukan ni?

calling2

calling from wifey :
27/10
31/10 - 30 min
9/11

call
21/11 14secs
21/11 2 min 42 secs
22/11 45min 51secs
3/12 kul 22:23 1 jam 7 min

sms :
15/10 5#
16/10 9#
17/10 2#
18/10 13#
19/10 8#
21/10 5#
22/10 11#
26/10 3#
27/10 12#
28/10 3#
3/11 10# (balik jb)
4/11 1#
5/11 7#
6/11 11# at 130 am (balik ke kb)
7/11 5#
8/11 4#
8/11 - gaduh
9/11 1#



sms
15/11 6#
21/11 2#
24/11 6#
25/11 6#
26/11 2#
28/11 1#
29/11 6#
30/11 4#
1/12 1#
2/12 4#
3/12 1#
13/12 7#

pic mms : 23/11

Raya haji

Today is eid ul adha. Pagi tadi korban satu bahagian. Aku pergi and niat sahaja. Tak melapah pun, entahla, malas rasa and aku ni memang tak pandai melapah.

Time korban, aku doa agar keluarga aku dijaga Allah. Aku juga doa sgt2 agar isteri aku bersama2 aku utk selamanya.

Petang, aku and dearest simpan2 rumah. Letih juga. Kul 330 aku tido, kul 530 aku bangun. Lama tido sampai termimpi mimpi.

Malam, aku makan dinner kat rumah ma ku. Daging kurban jadi lauk. Aku makan sikit jer sbb tak le lapar sgt. Balik umah sendiri, then sama2 karaoke ngan wife aku. Lagu island in the stream, favorite aku masa remaja dulu. Kami sama2 nyanyi. Suara aku mengalahkan kekatak.

Masa nk tido. Aku buat manicure kat wife aku. Sempat aku tanya dia, dia berani tak nak pledge utk forever stay ngan aku. Fight until the last drop of blood. Dia mcm reluctant. Frust jugak aku. Tapi aku lebih prefer dia tak jawab dari dia jawab tp lepas tu menggatal ngan jantan lain. Kan?aku rasa aku kene prepared. Kalau di takdir jodoh kami tak panjang, aku reda. Tapi aku dah buat keputusan, andai kata dia pergi dgn cara tak baik, she will regret that for the rest of her life. Bukan aku nak lempar cuka getah la. But I will find some one new if not as good as her, better than her.

Panic attack

yesterday, went home late as my dearest had to do locum at one of the private hospital. Went home, saw my brother and his family back too. they are from Kl. we had dinner and right after that went home.

do some house works ... sweeping the floor and yes, there was a lot of semut, here and there.

my dearest was tired. i asked her to rest on the couch. on the way home from work, we had small discussion. she told me she was interested in a few guys masa master dulu. i did too .. lol. told her that, it is normal as long as it does not become physical. what i mean with physical is when you start texting or calling or seeing the person.

Mak oi .. letih minda

semalam sampai kul 1 kat umah .. flight patutnye kul 1030 tapi kul 1115 baru take off. dalam flight duduk pulak kat mamat yang mengjengkelkan ... hampeh.

masa kat KLIA, sempat bermanja dgn wifey .... best jugak. kene buat kerap..kena make this companionship macam masa bergewe dulu.

i told her, that i had read in a book 'women like men for power and resources, and men go for women who are younger and physically more attractive' .. no wonder la, young ladies do not have problems liking older men .. good news for me ...

read in a paper tgh2 mamai, that problems in relationship can really present with physical illness. and it is bad to cling to your partner. it says that you have to be secured. Yes, i agree. I am trying to have that kind of feeling. feeling that i am not clinging to her. i mean, if she goes, there can always be replacement. of course, it wont be the same like the old thing .. but it is new. and i guess every one likes new things kan ...

pagi ni, bangun pagi, air tak de .. adoi ... rupa2nyer tukang aky tutup mesin air. aku pergi pasang balik, but still no water came out. Got the ladder and pushed my self ke dalam siling ... i was looking down and said to myself, i could die if i fall down ... turned on and off the switch .. nuthing happen. DAMN

My farther came, he got onto the ladder, clicked on the switch and grrrrrrrrrrrr it worked ... ish ..mysterious betul ....

Jalan2 and wls di kl

Semalam aku and wife pergi ke gomobile 2010 kat klcc. Aku ingat byk phone tp takde sgt. Ingat nk cari baju utk samsung galaxy tab aku. Frust jugak.

We walked hand in hand. We held hands and that was good. Could never do that in kelantan. We went for shopping. She looked happy as always kalau dah shopping. Probably I should do these kind of things more often. I never like to shop. In fact I hate it. But things need to change. I consider that as investment.

I love her. Love her so much. But the thoughts and the memories remain. That scares me. I can only pray ..... No no no. I think pray is not enough. I have to spend more time with her and hmmm do things together even though I hate these shopping thingy. I know we love each other but I don't have full trust. Is that normal? That bugs me. A lot.

That evening, back to wls meeting. She came a little late. Wearing her pink dress. She as always look great and hot. In the meeting, some how I got a feeling that I need to do the business for me and not for her. One of the reason, is for her recognition of me. Another reason, if shit happen s and she left me. I got the money and beside time, money is the greater healer.

this is the ultimatum

Yang ni mmg giler

well .. hmmm

Hi Row,

I have to admit that it was a very painful and distressing day waiting for your reply. Dont wanna talk more about it coz it hurts. Now i started to accept that i might not be hearing from so oftenly.

Sounds that you have a very hectic schedule. Are you upto something? From my understanding, docs in your country are not as busy as us here....correct me if i am wrong. probably it will be compensated during your summer holiday. We dont have summer holiday here coz we dont have summer anyway....ha ha....what a silly answer.

Though you're busy, i think it might be good for you so that you dont have much time thinking about me. I am so sorry for interrupting your life. Your life must be in smooth sailing before i came. Right?

Row, are you trying to tell me something?..... We dont have to discuss it further right? coz i guess it will hurts both parties. Whatever feeling that you have for me, i can feel it and i feel so guilty for putting you in a difficult situation......i wish i can help.

Shall i share with you about my first love? Just to share something.....is it okay with you? i hope i dont bore you too much.

This guy is the first person that i love. Really admire him and we were friend since we met in high school. We were 17 years old at that time. I never tell him that i am serious about the relationship but we keep in touch till i finished my undergraduate study. I thought he has the same feeling since he do send me birhtday card and bought me present when he came back from oversea (he studied in Manchester).

I thought i should be frank to him and asking for the end point of our relationship....but suprisingly he cannot commit. I was so frustated at that time and cannot accept the facts that he doesnt love me. frankly, till now i dont know the reason coz deep inside i knew that he have something that prevent him from accepting me......i am ok now.

Enough for that old puppy love story....ha ha .

Would you like to tell me more about your family? What do you mean when you say that your father has a broken home?

So sorry to hear that. I probably can relate with you since i have the same experience. Not a big issue but i just hate the way my father treat my mom. To me, my mom is the most wonderful person in my life coz without her support i will not be at my position now.....it was a long story by itself.

Hey, enough for a serious talk! Cheer up!

I spend my weekend with my kids, playing with the cats and rabbit. Spending some times with a group of people and helping them lose weight. I am running a weight management program and promoting a healthy lifestyle.

Are you able to see my pics? That's me a year ago. I am now 6kg lighter with BMI of 19. Will post you my latest pics later.

Last but not least.....Row, regarding you request....what shall i say....it is not a big thing but....it involves religious boundary. For muslim, the hair can only be seen by certain man. So, you have to be my husband before you can see it.......hope you understand.

By the way, i do have a nice hair. Wavy upto shoulder and i coloured it with mahogany. I leave it to you to make up the look.....

My writing is extremely lenghty..............sorry to bore u. Have to stop.
Cant wait to hear from you soon. Hope not too long....coz i am gonna miss u!

XXX

lagi

Hi Baby,

Its so nice to hear from u dear.. When i read ur first mail i didnt know what to do, i was confused and felt like dirt.. i waited patiently for that mail but when it came i couldnt reply cos i was confused and felt ashamed of myself.. then ur 2nd mail came and i feel better, and just cant believe it. Its just like a dream. Baby re u kidding me? pls dont play with my feelings.. pls dont play with my heart.. my heart is so fragile and thats why i ve been avoiding commitment. Are u really serious about ur feelings for me? well XXX , i dont mean to be a barrier or some trouble in ur marraige but my heart just cant stop longing for u.. I know its not fair to ur husband but i just cant hold back my heart... Could this be fate? or just mystery? well i really dont know and dont care anymore... Just wanna follow my heart.

Whatever u feel for me baby, i feel the same for u and a million times more... I ve been thinking of u every second, i cant think of anything else.. I dont know whats happening to my head anymore.. BABY I LOVE U TOO AND I WANNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH U.. I WANNA MEET U FOR REAL AND LOOK INTO UR EYES AND LET U KNOW WHAT U RE DOING TO ME AND HOW MUCH I LOVE U..

pls Jue we have to meet soon and let this steam inside of me be controlled. I can move my vacation to May, then i'll come to Malaysia so we can meet.

For now we have to sit and talk about whats happening to us and what the future holds for us.. we must talk about this together. I wanna talk to u baby, wanna hear ur voice.. pls give me ur phone num so i can call u.

Cant wait to hear from u my baby.
pls reply soon..

ur baby,
Row

hahahaha

Hi XXX, I'm Roland Clay from Britain. Recently joined this site and couldnt help but take a second look at you. I'm a medical doctor with interest in medical aids to dveloping countries. I'd like us to chat more, perhaps we can get to know each other better and may be... My yahoo Id is .....

Regards,
Row

XXX

January 29 at 10:32pm

Hi Rowland, nice to know you. You can contact me through my email ##### . Probably i can help you in any way that i can.....:)

Clay Roland

February 1 at 3:29pm

Hi XXX, thanks for ur mail and for adding me as friends.. I'd love to know more about u like if u re married, kids, ur work, how u relax and where u re from. I'm an easy going medical doctor living in Britain. I love to travel due to my public health work.. I play lawn tennis and football to relax.. I'm not married and have no kids.. Recently joined this site and wanna meet new people.
Hope I'm not being too nosey

Hope to hear from u soon.
Cheers,
Row

================

February 1 at 8:06pm

Hi Row, sounds that you are a nice guy. Are you a happy-go-lucky type of person? Coz you sounds like one....Like to travel hah. Hmmm.... about me. i am married with 2 sons. i am a lecturer in one of the medical school in Malaysia.
During leasure time (which i hardly have), i like to cook, shopping, make myself beautiful (does it sounds weird?)..... my favourite tv channel is travel and living, csi, afc and sometimes house. i don't play sport coz i am not good at any. but i do like aerobic and dancing....relaxing and entertaining. my favourite pet is cat.

Mind if ask you a sensitive question? Is that you in the picture. You are a good looking guy....still havent find a right lady?......forgive me if i make you feel uneasy.....

smile
SSSSSS

Clay Roland

February 2 at 7:22am

Hi SSSSSS, nice to hear from u again.. sure its me on the profile pic but its over 8 yrs old, i'm much more different now. Thanks anyway for the compliments.
Just wondering what u mean by happy- go- lucky type of person.. may be u can explain further.
Well i admire ur work and lifestyle it must be fun for u..
Yea i' ve not found the right lady and i'm still searching dont mind the culture.. A lady kind in heart and loving, smart and enjoy each other's company.. Just want something different really
Hope i did not bore u and it' d be great to hear from u again.

Cheers,
Row

SSSSSSSSS

February 2 at 9:04am

Row, its about 9am here in malaysia. just arrived in the office. checking for email and start planning the day.
8 years shouldnt coz much changes, i guess. you mean you're getting more handsome.....coz to me man looks better as they age becoz of the maturity....that is my opinion.
you've change becoz of the weight ? should send more pics of you....lets me evaluate and comment on it......just kidding.

happy-go-lucky means easy going type of person? are you? or......picky and tough type of person.

like me.... i am a little bit emotional sometimes, little bit stubborn......but i am actually nice person. last time i was short tempered but now....no more. i am moving towards better self control and anger management...ha ha.

ok.. talk too much. will continue later.

bye
XXXX

Clay Roland

February 3 at 2:26am

Hi XXX,

Ok I'm an easy going, happy- go- lucky person if thats what u mean.. hehe. Thanks for the complements but that pic is still my favourite so i use it often.

No u dont talk too much, actually i prefer someone who talk to me often cos i dont talk much myself.. What courses do u lecture in ur medical school? Just curious cos I'm a doctor..

How was ur day today? mine was a lattle hectic, first day of the week usualy has the most patients.
Dont u have an id where we can chat sometimes? well i hope so
Looking forward to ur reply soon

Cheers,
Row

February 3 at 10:32am

Hi again,

Row, you know what....somehow i am attracted to man who don't talk too much. Otherwise, nobody will listen to anybody if both of them are talking. Your pic......really nice.

I am a Radiologist ( imaging specialist). I joined this institution about 2 years ago. Basically, i am doing some radiological works...my interest is in peripheral interventional particularly in uterine artery embolisation. Plan to do my PhD in 2011 (pretty ambitious hah.....). Actually i just want to do my 1 year subspeciality training but since my husband wants to do his PhD, i think it is not possible for us to be separated for long time. We will bring our sons together. That is the plan, not sure if things will change later....

Back to my work, i teach the undergraduates and postgraduates related to my field. But sometimes i have to take the dental students and involve in conducting clinical session and group discussion (we call here problem-based- learning). As academician, we need to involve in publication and research. At the moment i am supervising 3 students on research. Okay, enough about work........tiring.

Lets talk about other things. Now, i love to know more about yourself. Your family, your hometown, anything that you are passion about. Or you might have something that you really want in life but you can't get from your career. Do you have any nice pictures of the places that you have visited......or any nice places that you could recommend to me?

I shall stop now....need to finish the unfinish job...he he.
We can do skyppe sometimes...my id is XXXX

Will write to you again.......
XXX

Clay Roland

February 5 at 1:49pm

Hi XXXX,
Thanks for the compliment again.. re u a radiologist or a radiographer cos a radiologist is also a medical doctor, re u a medical doctor? Your work sounds interesting though.

My father is from native London and my mother from brazil. I'm the eldest child, i have a sister and a brother.
I love my job alot when i'm in the clinic here and when i have to travel for my public health programs.. but most times i'm still lonely so i need a partner..
A kind and loving woman who can support me in all my goals and will share my worries and contentments with me, someone who understands me irrespective of culture or background.

I dont have much pictures but i'll try to get some for u.
Thanks for ur message to my yahoo Id.
I love communicating with u, hope we can chat soon.

Cheers,
Row

XXXXX

February 5 at 2:20pm

Hi Row,

Yes, I am a medical doctor. What exactly your field of work? Is it like seeing outpatients? Or are you doing public health program like we have here, for example giving health education to school children?

You sound so lonely. Is it so difficult to find one? Dont worry Row. Keep searching until you find one. That what happen to me last time. I had a few special "boyfriend" and we were sort of to be a life partner, but later i found out that they were not the person that i am looking for....so we broke up. I had engaged once....but had to call it off. That is life. What happened to me will not cause me to stop looking for the right person.
At last, i meet my husband. A very loving person, soft hearted, he accept me for what i am.....the good and the bad sides of me.

I hope you will find your mrs right, soon.
Would you like to understand women better, check this book out..."man from mars and women from venus (something like that)", or for married couple "five love languages" is interesting.

I saw your new pics.......still good looking. You probably like beach so much......hmmm, i not really fond of beach coz it cause my skin to burn and i dont know how to swim....he he he.

till then,
XXXX

Clay Roland

February 5 at 6:41pm

Hi XXX,

I'm a general practitioner seeing out patients.. but i have a masters degree in public health so i'm much more involved in public health work. I'm contracted by health agencies for medical aid programs to developing countries. I ve been to India and some parts of A frica.. I shall be going to Africa again soon.

My life has been all work and work since my las traumatic relationship about 10 yrs ago. Its been realy difficult to commit expecially to a white girl. Just dont wanna be hurt again.. U know what they say about good guys always getting the wroung gals? I'm really trying but its difficult, juat want someone I can trust.. well I dont wanna bore u too much with my problems.

I'm wondering why u didnt go for residency in radiology instead of masters degree..

Anyway thanks for ur concern and interests. I wish I met u before ur husband.. hehehe
Cant wait to hear from u soon

Till then,
Row

XXX

February 5 at 7:56pm

Hi,

It s 730 pm and i am still in the office doing some personal works. What is the time lapse between Malaysia and your place actually? I have never been to many countries. I've been to Tokyo, Taiwan and Indonesia (Jakarta). That's all. Probably we will go to Bangkok. The travels are either related to job or business. We would like to visit more places in the world. The place i really wanted to go is Disneyland. You know why,?......this is my dream since i was young to be a princess like the one in the fairy tale stories. Seeing a charming prince and being surrounded by hundreds of animals.....i know you're laughing at me know (you might think...what a silly dream).

You're a 32 years now, right? You already have your masters degree. Good! The system here is different. We dont have the so called residence of radiologist. If you want to be a specialist, you have to go for 4 years master program. Cracking my head to get me pass through the program. We have to do a research and produce a dissertation (a little bit like thesis but less detail). Luckily i managed to pass within 4 years. Some of my collegues have to extend it until 5-6 years. This is a very tough program since you are working and studying at the same time. You are not entitle for any medical leave during this period and if you fall sick, you have to take your own annual leave (we get about 30 days leave per year). Cruel right? ha ha ha....we get used to it.
Opps....dont get me wrong. I dont meant to complaint, coz i understand that i made my decision to go through the process and i shouldnt be grumpy about it.....just to share with you.

Anyway, i am happy and proud with what i am now but i want to be better and have more in life........

I am so sorry about your traumatic relationship experience.....i know you wil be strong and you will keep going! Really hope you will find your mrs right......you can practice this.......write down the list of character of your dream partner, put it at the place that you can read it everyday....or better if you have a picture of someone that you like (someone like Mila Jovovish.....for example),.....you will find one.

Ok Row, i talk too much. We talk some more later. Need to do some shopping.....

Smile,
XXX

Clay Roland

February 6 at 6:41pm

Hi XXXX,

Thanks for ur advice on how to get mrs right.. actually i ve already done that. I have the list of features of my dream woman in my head and i'm constantly reminded when i meet someone new. Thanks once again.

XXX, i admire u alot for ur kindness and expecially for ur interests in me.. hehehe. Well i think ur husband is the luckiest man on earth, and i hope he knows that. I'm always happy when i read ur mail and always look forward to it. You re a lovely woman indeed.

Its wkend now, how do u plan to spend ur weekend? can u slot me in a bit? haha
Well hope to hear from u soon and hope we can chat soon

Smile,
Row

Loading...

XXXXXX

February 6 at 9:05pm

Hi Row,

Its my pleasure to write to you. As long as you are happy and you like it.....its fine with me. I like your way of appreciating people actually. Sounds sincere. Thanks for the compliment also. I am not that lovely but not too bad.... am ?..hahaha. The beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, right?

Since you mention about look, let touch a little bit on that. It can be a big subject if i want to discuss here, but i dont wanna bore you with my "speech". So should go straight to the point....i just wanna ask you something. do you think the person looks beautiful because she is really beautiful? an example: a lady is consider beautiful if she met the criteria of miss world/miss pagent and so on. Or do you think a man see the beauty of the person inclusive also her character? Hmmm...tough question?

When you mention about how lucky my husband are....you remind me of value of a person.You know what.....i never respect myself before i met my husband. i did so many stupid things just to seek attention. i was literally destroying myself. during that time, never came across in my mind that what i did was totally wrong. my husband teach me how to appreciate myself. he said, "never let other people look down at you. you are a great person and that is why i see what you have that other people cannot see". and he love me very2 much.....unconditional love. He just want to make me happy and he always mentioned that if i am not happy with him, he is willing to let me go for a better man.....how lucky i am! We love each other so much....i cant be without him even in a day. Luckily we work in the same institution.

How about you Row? Would you like to have that sort of relationship? For us, we constantly trying to improve on our relationship. We have been married for almost 12 years, yeah..... there are bad and good times, the tough time will challenge you on how strong is your love. The ability to admit one's mistake, say sorry and forgive each other will save the marriage. However, it is not easy coz everybody has their own ego.
Opps...too much. Next time i am going to share you about how we brought up our two sons.....and the joy that we share as a family.....would you like to hear?

Now my writing is getting longer and longer..... i am talking like a parrot. It is not usual for me to talk this much, but somehow i really like to share things with you. Just wonder, how cant someone realize how nice you are?

I have another question.....just curious, how do you find me on the facebook? is it through someone's facebook?

Row, i hope we will continue to write to each other. Let me know if you're going to leave for South Africa....in case there are no internet there and we cant keep in touch for a long period... i think i will miss it.

Have a nice weekend! Enjoy yourself but dont drink and drive....hehe. I would love to chat with you...someday. I have to take an early flight tomorrow to Kuala Lumpur for a-day course of weight management and be back by 11pm.

Cant wait to hear from you.

Keep smiling!
XXXX

Clay Roland

February 10 at 4:46pm

or he liveHi XXX,
Thanks for ur mail.. it was quite lenthy.. hehe, but i love it.
I really appreciate u taking so much time to write to me, and I'm so sorry for the late reply. I was very busy over the weekend and had a busy day yesterday too so i couldnt really go online..

Missed u though and thought about u alot.. pls dont let ur husband hear that or he's gonna hunt me down. hehe.. well u re a kind and lovely lady and i'm pleased to know u. As a colleague i'm also pleased and hope this friendship will continue. Perhaps i can visit u sometime.

well i'm not a ladies man really though i ve had some relationships in the past most of which didnt work out well. Now i'm planning to settle down and i want it to be the right person no matter the culture so long as we understand and respect each other.. dont want to have a broken home like my father.

XXX i know re a muslim but i just wanna ask for a little thing.. could u please show me a photo without ur vail? hope i'm not asking for too much or the impossible!

Well its always nice to read ur mail and to write to u.
How was ur weekend really? did u relax or u had to work too? Pls tell me about it, and how re ur husband and kids doing? Re u all staying together s away? Well hope its not too personal a question..

Cant wait to hear from u soon, but I'm gonna miss u meanwhile..

Keep smiling,
Row

Clay Roland

February 10 at 4:48pm

Hi XXXX,
Thanks for ur mail.. it was quite lenthy.. hehe, but i love it.
I really appreciate u taking so much time to write to me, and I'm so sorry for the late reply. I was very busy over the weekend and had a busy day yesterday too so i couldnt really go online..

Missed u though and thought about u alot.. pls dont let ur husband hear that or he's gonna hunt me down. hehe.. well u re a kind and lovely lady and i'm pleased to know u. As a colleague i'm also pleased and hope this friendship will continue. Perhaps i can visit u sometime.

well i'm not a ladies man really though i ve had some relationships in the past most of which didnt work out well. Now i'm planning to settle down and i want it to be the right person no matter the culture so long as we understand and respect each other.. dont want to have a broken home like my father.

XXX i know re a muslim but i just wanna ask for a little thing.. could u please show me a photo without ur vail? hope i'm not asking for too much or the impossible!

Well its always nice to read ur mail and to write to u.
How was ur weekend really? did u relax or u had to work too? Pls tell me about it, and how re ur husband and kids doing? Re u all staying together or he lives alone?

Cant wait to hear from u soon, but i'm gonna miss u meanwhile.

Keep smiling,
Row

XXX

February 11 at 12:49pm

Hi Row,

I have to admit that it was a very painful and distressing day waiting for your reply. Dont wanna talk more about it coz it hurts. Now i started to accept that i might not be hearing from so oftenly.

Sounds that you have a very hectic schedule. Are you upto something? From my understanding, docs in your country are not as busy as us here....correct me if i am wrong. probably it will be compensated during your summer holiday. We dont have summer holiday here coz we dont have summer anyway....ha ha....what a silly answer.

Though you're busy, i think it might be good for you so that you dont have much time thinking about me. I am so sorry for interrupting your life. Your life must be in smooth sailing before i came. Right?

Row, are you trying to tell me something?..... We dont have to discuss it further right? coz i guess it will hurts both parties. Whatever feeling that you have for me, i can feel it and i feel so guilty for putting you in a difficult situation......i wish i can help.

Shall i share with you about my first love? Just to share something.....is it okay with you? i hope i dont bore you too much.

This guy is the first person that i love. Really admire him and we were friend since we met in high school. We were 17 years old at that time. I never tell him that i am serious about the relationship but we keep in touch till i finished my undergraduate study. I thought he has the same feeling since he do send me birhtday card and bought me present when he came back from oversea (he studied in Manchester).

I thought i should be frank to him and asking for the end point of our relationship....but suprisingly he cannot commit. I was so frustated at that time and cannot accept the facts that he doesnt love me. frankly, till now i dont know the reason coz deep inside i knew that he have something that prevent him from accepting me......i am ok now.

Enough for that old puppy love story....ha ha .

Would you like to tell me more about your family? What do you mean when you say that your father has a broken home?

So sorry to hear that. I probably can relate with you since i have the same experience. Not a big issue but i just hate the way my father treat my mom. To me, my mom is the most wonderful person in my life coz without her support i will not be at my position now.....it was a long story by itself.

Hey, enough for a serious talk! Cheer up!

I spend my weekend with my kids, playing with the cats and rabbit. Spending some times with a group of people and helping them lose weight. I am running a weight management program and promoting a healthy lifestyle.

Are you able to see my pics? That's me a year ago. I am now 6kg lighter with BMI of 19. Will post you my latest pics later.

Last but not least.....Row, regarding you request....what shall i say....it is not a big thing but....it involves religious boundary. For muslim, the hair can only be seen by certain man. So, you have to be my husband before you can see it.......hope you understand.

By the way, i do have a nice hair. Wavy upto shoulder and i coloured it with mahogany. I leave it to you to make up the look.....

My writing is extremely lenghty..............sorry to bore u. Have to stop.
Cant wait to hear from you soon. Hope not too long....coz i am gonna miss u!

XXXX

Clay Roland

February 12 at 9:13pm

Hi XXX,

I'm so sorry for the late reply.. i'm tired of calling u XXX.., dont even know the meaning.. can i call u girl, or baby or lady? hehehe.

Well ur background is alot similar to mine, no wonder the chemistry and understanding between us..
Ok its like this.. There was this girl i dated for about 8 yrs, she was 13 while i was 15.. she was the first woman i ever knew. i gave her all my love and all i ve got and i trusted her with all my life. She is a very pretty girl and was loved by my mum. I was about to enter the university about 10 yrs ago when she told me that she has to be married immediately. I told her to wait untill i finished my degree cos we were still very young and dependent but she refused. she left me and within 4 months she was married to a local musician. I was devastated throughout this period and almost dropped my studies but for my mum's wonderful support.

For a long time i couldnt have a serious relationship or trust any woman, but when i travelled to india i met this woman, she had a little girl and she was so different from any woman I'd ever met.. kind, loving, so sweet.. but she died of pancreatic cancer after about 6 months.. that was only 2 yrs ago. Now i'm just hovering around searching for that right woman.
I dont wanna be like my dad who has a broken home. He's a low life arrogant man with no stable job who's taken more drinks in his life than food. He treats my mum like shit, a meek wonderful woman who i can only describe as an angel. She left him about 7 yrs ago.

Did u say doctors here aint as busy as u? hehe.. i dont know how u got that, anyway it depends on what the doc is doing or where he works.
I'm both a family physician and a community physician so can really be busy.

Baby, my feelings for u is something i just cant describe now but its nice, interesting and i love it.. always looking forward to ur mails, always excited in replying u, thinking about u most times and wishing i could see u some day.. Hmmmm, am i trespassing?
wow...

Pls i really wanna see u without ur vail.. ur husband doesnt have to know about it..
perhaps i'm asking for too much?

Gues u really enjoyed ur weekend with ur family.. i'm glad to hear that. pls tell me more about ur routine.. keeps me closer to u.

Cant wait to hear from u..
Missing u already

Your baby,
Row

=========================

February 13 at 12:53am

Dear Row, it was a great relief to hear from you soon. It has been a 2 miserable days while waiting for your reply. Cant do things right.....cant stop thinking about u. What hv u done to me?

Knowing your previous love story make me understand you better. I feel sorry for that. What is the criteria that you are looking for in a woman? Beauty is important right? of course we want to be someone that love us...can accept us for good and bad. To me , man who is loyal to relationship is hard to find. But you are one.

Row, too many things to tell you but i dont know where to start. My life? Would you like to know more.... i came from a poor family with a father who always against me. however, i have a strong determination to pursue what i think right for me. I have to earn myself to support my study. but the experience itself make me a stronger person.

I like beauty and wanted to look beautiful. I always working on my appearance. I have 2 sons but looks like a woman without kids. I do some workout to maintain my figure.......what am i talking about? Lets move to other topic.....

Financially, i am an independant person. i dont rely on someone to support me financially. i would rather earn myself. I buy things that i want with my own money. Not that my husband refuse to do so, but i never ask for money from him unless necessary. I dont mind giving money to my husband either. Most of the time, i am the one who pay for him.....I just want to be loved....that's enough for me.

its 12 midnight.....watching tv while writing to you. Tomorrow is our weekend. Plan to have an early morning treadmill and then to market. My sons will be hving their tution at 930am. We pay a teacher to give personal tuition to our sons. You wnna see my sons in action? It is in you tube...you can search "test dancing boxman girlfriend not entry". watch them doing boxman dancing....so funny.

Row, do u realize that u are putting yourself in vulnerable position by being closer to me? You call me baby,......XXXX is my nick name. U can call me anything u like as long it sound sweet...

What is the chances of us meeting each other?......almost impossible. But in case you visit Malaysia, dont forget to tell me.

Where r u working actually. What hospital or clinic? in case i have to attend conference.... Do u know any place there that i can do my subspeciality training in interventional radiology?

i am sleepy now. need to go to bed now. always excited to write to you and cant wait to hear from u again.

regarding ur request.....what do u want to do with my pic without the vail? dont want to make you miss me more coz i know that i am an attractive lady.....even with the vail on. I hv to protect myself.....not that i dont trust u...please give me time to consider it.....i am afraid u cant handle it.

have to stop. i am sleepy and cant think right....drowsy. good night, sleep tight and dream of me.....he he he.

Please dont let me waiting for too long.
Miss u too.....

ur baby,
XXXX

Clay Roland

February 13 at 7:53am

Hi baby,

So nice to call u baby.. hehehe
You ask what have i done to u, but u dont ask what have u done to me.. Icant think straight anymore.. I ask myself what am i doing? but my heart says move on.... there's no doubt we have so much chemistry between us and we care about each other.. but i keep wondering where its gonna lead us.. where do u think this is gonna lead us XXX? it scares me when i think of it. My life has always been complicated and i'm never afraid to take any step.

I'm really crazy about u, we understand each other so much like we ve known each other for yrs.. when i read ur mails and when i write to u i feel u re right beside me talking to me and listening to me..

When it comes to women, beauty is not the first thing i go for.. i always go for chemistry first then i can consider beauty, kindness, tenderness and honesty latter. So for me chemistry comes first.. it may just be the way she talks or something she does differently.

Lets face it XXX, its not impossible for us to meet..
I can come to Malaysia if we can only arrange to meet, but we'll have to plan for that.. and not in a hurry.

I work in a private hospital in North London, William Smith Hospital.. but like i told u i'm also involved in public health.
There re various teaching hospitals in London where u can do ur subspecialty in interventional radiology. Ican list a few like Bart's and the London hospitals, Harmersmith hospital, St Thomas hospital, King's college hospital etc.

I'm missing u more and more everyday.

Looking foward to ur reply
Ur baby,
Row

Today at 10:44am

Hi Row,

It has been a long 2 days before i can reply to you. Something that i am scared of happen this weekend. I done know where to start....but i have to tell you the truth.

Are you ready to read this....its going to be very2 long.......

I admit it has been my mistake, my fault making your life "miserable". It wasnt my intention to make you like me, but somehow the chemistry between us lead to us this stage. I feel so guilty to make you miss me more and more. It was something that came spontaneously. You know, I am a happy girl who likes to make jokes, likes to share story and probably my kindness trapped you. Really, i am a kind person who wanted to make other people happy. I just wanted to fill up part of your empty life with my presence and story.....

Row, do you really feel deep inside your heart that i am the one that you're looking for? You know, most of the times when we like (or shall i say love) someone u tend to make unrealistic and illogical decision. You know....love is blind that why most of people go into drain ( just joking)....he he he. Seriously Row, what did ur intuition say? Let me put it this way......let me straightened up ur thinking (coz u tell me that u cant think straight). U are so lonely and u are looking for someone who can fill up the emptiness in your heart. You found me and we have so much chemistry between us. But lets us be rational and objectives. You and me came from a totally different background and culture. I am Muslim and u are Christian. Have u thought about that? R u willing you make a drastic change to pursue this? But to me nothing is impossible if you decided to make it happen, right?

You have another challenges.... u are now dealing with a happily married lady. Do you think you can make that person as happy as she is now? We dont know yet, right? But that is not the point....coz to me if you love somebody, you will try ur best to make her happy. That's what my husband did to me.....i think i shall tell u what happened to us this weekend....

My husband can sense that something not right is happening....i dont know how but probably becoz he understand me very well, he can sense it. He gave me hint about a story that he read it the newpaper about woman who being cheated by a person that she met through internet. He told me that he has a feeling that i am meeting someone, but he cannot clearly make it up....he said that it was just a "feeling " but he said most of the time it was true. How do i have to react? Telling him, yes i meet someone and we are serious about it.......leaving my family, my husband, my children for someone that i hardly know. That question itself make me think...what am i doing?

What are we doing Row? Hurting other people heart for nothing?
Lets be rational....we are 2 person who accidentally met due to God's will...we like each other but we dont know where are we heading. Shall we make this relationship something that can benefit both of us? We can be friend forever, or we shall stop here. If we wanted to continue our friendship, both of us should not cross the boundary. We should respect each other. I understand that u are available but not me...before it becoming more complicated lets do it right.

Row, knowing you is something that i treasure....but there is something that i want u to be clear here....if u are looking for a good relationship, dont you think trust is an important matter? Dont you want to have someone that u can trust? The point here is....put yourself in my husband shoe and think about it. If you're my husband and i am cheating on you, how do u feel? U dont want me to do that, right? So what i am trying to tell u is that, i will not cheat on my husband. I will do the same to you if u are my husband.....

We dont know what will happen in the future. If God's will that we are meant to each other........i dont know. For the time being, i just want u to know that i am very pleased to know you, and really hope you will find a lady of ur dreams.....

Okey,.....lets cheer up! Why are u so serious reading my mail? Are you crying?....come on baby, lets be happy.....so tell me more about your family. How is ur mother? She must be a lovely lady coz she brought up a kind man like u. Did she likes to cook...may be she can share with me some of the recipes? Please send my regards to her....

How did u spend ur weekend? R u working every weekend? Busy making money.....hope u can spend some times for yourself, enjoying life. Dont push yourself too much. I am afraid u will fall sick. I dont want you to be sick, coz if u are sick you cant come and meet me here....he he he...just joking.

I have posted some of my pets pics in the facebook. Enjoy it....will put on more pics later for you to see in case u miss me.

Till then, hope to hear from you soon.
XXX

Hi Baby,

Its so nice to hear from u dear.. When i read ur first mail i didnt know what to do, i was confused and felt like dirt.. i waited patiently for that mail but when it came i couldnt reply cos i was confused and felt ashamed of myself.. then ur 2nd mail came and i feel better, and just cant believe it. Its just like a dream. Baby re u kidding me? pls dont play with my feelings.. pls dont play with my heart.. my heart is so fragile and thats why i ve been avoiding commitment. Are u really serious about ur feelings for me? well XXX, i dont mean to be a barrier or some trouble in ur marraige but my heart just cant stop longing for u.. I know its not fair to ur husband but i just cant hold back my heart... Could this be fate? or just mystery? well i really dont know and dont care anymore... Just wanna follow my heart.

Whatever u feel for me baby, i feel the same for u and a million times more... I ve been thinking of u every second, i cant think of anything else.. I dont know whats happening to my head anymore.. BABY I LOVE U TOO AND I WANNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH U.. I WANNA MEET U FOR REAL AND LOOK INTO UR EYES AND LET U KNOW WHAT U RE DOING TO ME AND HOW MUCH I LOVE U..

pls XXX we have to meet soon and let this steam inside of me be controlled. I can move my vacation to May, then i'll come to Malaysia so we can meet.

For now we have to sit and talk about whats happening to us and what the future holds for us.. we must talk about this together. I wanna talk to u baby, wanna hear ur voice.. pls give me ur phone num so i can call u.

Cant wait to hear from u my baby.
pls reply soon..

ur baby,
Row