lol ... tu la ..pandai sgt kacau bini org

Choy says his apology was not an admission of guilt

By SHAUN HO
newsdesk@thestar.com.my

PETALING JAYA: Businessman Darren Choy came into the spotlight when he was accused of enticing local TV personality Daphne Iking by her ex-husband Ryan Chong.

The two-year court case drew to a close on Monday after Choy, 46, apologised to Chong, 33, in the magistate’s court for causing him embarrassment.

On Wednesday, Chong told The Star that all he wanted was an apology from Choy. He and Iking, 33, officially divorced last year.

Choy, a former managing director of Adidas and now CEO of Team Lotus’ drink company EQ8, tells Sunday Star his side of the story.

Below are excerpts from the interview.

Q: What would you have done if you were in Ryan Chong’s shoes?

I would have definitely ap­­proached the (other) man and worked it out without going to court.

His action impacted many lives and by washing dirty linen in public like this, it certainly had its repercussions.

How is your family taking this episode?

My wife has been extremely supportive since the beginning and I am very thankful for that.

She is an amazing person and didn’t deserve to go through this ordeal.

I would not say our relationship has not been strained, and there were times she wanted to give up.

But she has stood by me. She is a great woman.

I have also explained the situation to my three children and they are glad it is over.

Have you spoken to Daphne recently?

No, I have not had any contact with her for a long time and I have no intention of contacting her unless absolutely necessary.

What did you think about Daphne when you first met? What do you think of her now?

I got to know her when she became a brand ambassador for Adidas. She performed her duties exceptionally.

She was very professional and did well to personify the brand.

I found her to be intelligent, smart and very articulate.

I have not been in touch with her for a long time and I don’t know.

The last thing I know is that she is happily married and has embraced Islam.

You declared in court that you are not the biological father of Daphne’s daughter, Isobel?

Two parents (mother and father) with O blood type cannot result in a child with A blood type, which is the blood type of Daphne’s child.

I have O blood type. I have never had a child with her.

How did you feel when you found out Isobel was not your daughter?

I would rather not comment on that. She is just a baby and I do not want to drag her into this.

What is your response to Chong’s statement after the case was settled?

I wanted to refrain from saying anything to the media for ethical reasons because the case has ended and is closed.

However, I feel his statement has put me in a different light.

I would like to clarify that this case is about enticement and my apology is not an admission of guilt, but an apology for embarrassing and humiliating him and his family.

He said he pursued the case when he found out. Why didn’t he approach me two-and-a-half years ago if he found out?

Were you accessible?

I was very contactable. Ryan could have had my number, my email address and he knew where I worked.

Even if he didn’t have my number, he could have gotten it from his ex-wife.

He has said that all he wanted was an apology?

He did not have to go through the legal process.

Everything he did up to the last day of the court proceedings didn’t point to him wanting only an apology. Money played a part.

For a start, without making any attempt to talk to me or approach me, he sent a letter of demand accusing me of having an affair with his wife and bearing a child with her.

He also demanded RM5mil from me.

He is trying to portray himself as magnanimous by saying that he only wants an apology and once he gets it, he would “forget about the whole thing”.

But his actions do not show it.

Did you try to work things out with him for an amicable solution?

Yes, there were two attempts at an amicable solution but the other side was adamant on pushing on with the case.

Would you say you understand his feelings as a man?

Yes, I can understand that he is enraged. However, he made no indication of wanting to settle it like a gentleman but took it upon himself to take the legal route.

He went to great lengths to show that he wanted to destroy me or maybe teach me a lesson.

Why do you say this?

It was stated in their divorce petition that he was out to destroy Daphne and myself.

Do you have anything else to say?

As far as I am concerned, the court has already acquitted me and we should all accept the decision.

Many innocent lives have been hurt by this saga and we should let bygones be bygones. Let’s not put egos at play.

I would like to be on talking terms with everybody and I wish them well in their future undertakings.

daphne

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/3/10/nation/8223954&sec=nation

PETALING JAYA: Some journalists covering the sensational Daphne Iking enticement case found Ryan Chong Yiing Yih unapproacable.

The perception may be justified as the TV personality’s former husband kept his distance from the press, looking serious and avoiding eye contact with journalists.

It was the opposite image for Darren Choy Khin Ming, the man Chong accused of enticing his wife even though he knew that she was married. He blamed Choy of wanting to have sex with her then. Arguably, most journalists were with Team Darren. He is handsome and has a ready smile.

So, it came as a surprise when on the day Choy was acquitted of the charge, Chong agreed to an interview. (Choy had apologised openly in court to Chong for having embarrassed him over the affair). Apparently, the businessman’s lawyers had given him specific instructions not to comment on the case.

And, at the interview on Monday, the 33-year-old, six-footer came across as a “gentle giant”.

Here are excerpts from that interview.

What is the public’s perception of you?

I’m not sure what the public thinks of me. But I think I did the right thing. I have no regret in pursuing the case. Everybody needs to know the truth. Darren’s wife needs to know the truth. She deserves to know what her husband was up to. I was not trying to ruin their marriage. Whether or not their marriage (survives the scandal), it is for them to work it out.

It was just like when they found out about my affair (with Serena, a GRO in China). I admitted to Daphne, I said sorry to her and I put everything behind me and tried to make my marriage work. I resigned from my job in China and returned to Malaysia. But by then, she had found someone else.

What’s next for you?

Next will be to concentrate on my renewable energy business in Zhejiang province, south of China. It is good that I don’t have to come back for the trial. For the past six months, I have been coming back to Kuala Lumpur every single month. And it is quite expensive to fly back to Kuala Lumpur and it is tough not being able to be in the office to manage the corporation.

How was your experience wooing a celebrity?

To be honest when I was introduced to her (at Hilton’s Zeta Bar in 2005) I did not know she was a celeb. I wasn’t very familiar with the Malaysian entertainment industry. All I knew at that time was Sheila Majid. I was an accountant who only knew about Hong Kong and Hollywood gossip. A few days later my friends told me “‘you know she is in FHM (a men’s magazine), a celebrity and a model’’ and I googled her.

How’s your relationship with your ex-wife?

When I initiated the enticement case, she called me and apologised. At that time we were okay. And I was very concerned about her and the baby. I love the baby to bits. When the baby was born I was at home most of the time as she had to work and I work (trading) from home.

We have not spoken for a long time. The last time I saw Daphne was when we stood in front of the judge at divorce court in December last year or January this year. After the judge granted our divorce we caught up for a while. And she asked about my family and I asked her about hers. We wished each other the best.

She is really a good friend and she is a very nice person. It is just that she did something that is not good for the marriage.

How did you discover that Isobel Daniella Iking is not your daughter?

I found out through reading emails (67 pages) between Daphne and Darren. In some of the emails there were mentions about the identity of the baby’s father. Darren wrote “it is mine”. And Daphne wrote “don’t tell my friends that it might be yours”. So I got suspicious and I took the baby to a pathologist without Daphne’s knowledge and did a DNA test on her.

That is the point when I said “enough is enough”. Before that I saw them (Daphne and Darren) in KLIA coming back from a holiday. Of course they denied it. And knowing Daphne, I said to her: “I will trust you because you are my wife. Even if there was an affair, I would forget about it and let’s move on”.

I thought everything was okay until I found out about the baby. But it took me a long time to decide whether to divorce her.

(At that time) the baby was about nine months old. I told myself I’d rather do it (divorce Daphne) now than regret (not divorcing) when she (Isobel) is 10 years old or 20 years old, knowing fully well that she is not my daughter.

I made a decision that I’m going to break the news and hope the best for Daphne and I can move on. I did not want to regret the decision to stick to the marriage.

How did you feel when you discovered that Isobel was not your kid?

I cried for days after finding out her DNA was not mine. It was tough. I got the results in August 2008 – at the time when we were trying to decide whether we wanted to carry on with the marriage.

At that time, I could not let Daphne know that I knew the child was not mine. And I had to come home every night and look at the child and think: “Do I leave you? Do I not leave you?” It was a very tough two months.

I only sent Daphne a letter (asking for a divorce) in October 2008. Even before I gave her the letter I was worried that she would be upset – that she would do something to herself or the baby.

When I decided to give her the letter, I was glad that Michele (Daphne’s sister) was in our house. I passed the letter and Daphne moved out.

food for thoughts

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/10-reasons-couples-therapy-may-not-work-for-you-2455644/

Couples come in every week for therapy. Many come in with expectations of gaining insight, some are dragged in by their spouses, and some come in out of frustration and wanting out of a bad marriage. The reasons that bring people in are not as important as the couple’s attitude. If couples see their marriage as a work in progress and come to therapy to work past difficulties, they usually will be successful. Therapy is expensive and can be a waste of time. It can also be the single best thing you ever did for your relationship. When a marriage or a person is in psychological distress, the friend with the best intentions will usually say, “Why don’t you go see a therapist?” The friend is saying this because they love their friend, and they don’t know what else to say or advise their friend to do. There are times when a couple should not go to therapy; sometimes therapy may be counterproductive, putting the couple in financial distress and deeper frustration that nothing is going to change.

If you are experiencing any of these, therapy may be a greater strain than beneficial:

1. If you are only going to therapy to say you did it. A spouse who already has a new significant other and wants to ease their guilt by saying they went to therapy should save their money. They will need it in court.

2. Couples who are trying to fool the therapist. If you pay therapists to listen to your story, but the story isn’t true, I am not sure who is wasting their time more.

Knowing When To Let Go of a Marriage

3. If you or your partner hates the therapist, it may make you less successful with therapy. Keep shopping until you find one you both are comfortable with and respect.

4. If you go to therapy and engage, but don’t do your assignments, you won’t be successful long term. The assignments are part of the process. It leads to better understanding of yourself and your partner.

5. If you don’t prioritize the therapy and schedule it in to your life, then you will miss appointments. We choose what is valuable by our actions. You are telling your spouse and therapist that this isn’t important. Why continue to waste your money?

Top 8 Things that Will Ruin Your Relationship

6. If you are inflexible with your thinking and unwilling to make changes, you are wasting your money with therapy. Therapy is all about changing one’s self. If you think you are perfect and don’t need to make changes, then therapy most likely will not be effective.

7. If you don’t believe in therapy or you think its voodoo, most likely it will not work for yu. Couples must embrace the therapy and believe it will help them restore communication.

8. If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend and are in marital therapy with your spouse, get rid of the girlfriend/boyfriend first. Otherwise therapy will not be successful.

Clues Your Man Is Cheating

9. If you go to therapy, but let your spouse do all the talking, therapy most likely will not be successful. The therapist needs to hear from both of you about how you feel. If you have difficulty expressing yourself with words, ask the therapist if you can write what you want to say. The therapist wants to help you communicate. They don’t care if you talk, write, or act out your emotions.

What Happens When Your Man Disappoints You?

10. If you have great difficulty laughing at yourself, therapy is going to be very difficult. You may still be successful, but it won’t be as enjoyable.
Therapy is one of the greatest opportunities a couple can venture into. It offers an atmosphere of complete honesty, confidentiality, and openness. Where else can you go and talk candidly about you as a couple and get objective guidance? Just remember therapists cannot read your mind. When a therapist joins your marriage team, you should feel supported enough to take risks. You should be able to be totally open and honest with your partner with the intention of creating the best marriage possible.

Thursday

mom in law got admitted because of low sugar. happened last night. that news broke my wife's heart. she looks depressed. kesian kat dia. i can only understand. of course, penderitaan hanya di rasai oleh org terdekat.

Afif tak pegi sekolah, still weak. yesterday, got loose stools and vomitting. Iman went. happy that Iman nampak happy ke sekolah now. i hope those 2 kids will be great person. They are great sons to me. I am blessed.

need to settle this issue (me and wife) as soon as possible. though at times (even now) aku rasa confused and tak sabar and rasa kdg2 nak give up, but i cant. i have to be a strong human, a fighther. yes, my wife is not perfect and am i not too? well, i have decided that i will her strongest supporter and my partner.

dont ever give up ... said Churchill